This is a photograph of the world famous Sacher Torte from the Hotel Sacher in Vienna. The famous cake was presented and protected as if it were a precious diamond. The irony was that something so precious would anyway rot in a couple of weeks and would be fit to only been thrown out. It is a picture of the Bible verse:
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:19-21
The making of the Single Woman
Looking back at my growing up in India in the early '80s, I realized that I recognized the various roles that I had played. Roles of a daughter, sister, friend, student, work colleague, church goer, and maybe many more. I completely missed one of the most crucial roles; that of a single woman.
Who is a single woman? I probably would have defined her as an old lady who was not married. Somebody that no man wanted. But today, I have understood that a girl or a woman becomes a single woman the moment that longing for a male companion is awakened in her. You suddenly become aware that you are not complete without that special somebody in your life. It is a moment you start believing that you are not longer enough, and that a boy or a husband will magically fulfill you. And then the lies begin to mold your ideas, your thinking and finally your decisions. Looking back, even before I became a single woman, I was lied to that I will go from being a daughter to being a wife. Nobody talked about the phase of life where I would be single.
If only I prepared myself to be single , with the same dedication that I prepared for my exams or the promotions at work. If only I could go back to when I was a young girl, and tell her that all those longings were God given and real and true, but no human being would be able to fulfill them or fill that quickly deepening void in my heart, except for Jesus.
If only I had substantiated those claims that the world, my parents and society were making, I would have not only saved myself the heartache and pain that I experienced from trying to fill broken cisterns.
“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Jeremiah 2:13
I think my own lonely ,sinful heart was lying to me. And for a long time now, I have been reaping the consequences of that never ending longing. Its true. I have been married for 18 years, and I am no more satisfied than I was at twenty-one. The only difference is that, I was now blaming my husband for my never ending longing for fulfillment.
Lessons from the Garden of Eden
Imagine living in the garden of Eden, like Adam and Eve did, completely secure in the Presence of God. They did not know what fear, or shame or deceit or guilt was. But Adam did know what being alone was, and God gave him Eve. So what did the evil one tempt Eve with?
“Did God really say? "
He challenged her idea of what God had expected of her.
“You will not certainly die,”
He out rightly lied to Eve of the consequences of disobeying God.
"You will be like God, knowing good and evil"
He awakened in her a desire that she did not have before.
"The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it."
Eve saw the fruit, because she was in the wrong place.
Eve desired to eat it because this new craving was justified.
Eve felt vindicated because she justified her new desire was to gain wisdom, because growing wiser would have seen like a quality approved by God.
Lessons from when I was Unmarried
The first consequence of disobeying God was shame.
The first emotion for me as a single woman was also shame. Shame at my own body, how I looked, and how I felt. The comments about my looks and their potential in bagging a future husband ,brought the first wave of shame in me.
The second consequence of disobeying God was the need to hide.
Oh well, I hid too. Hid my body under loose and baggy clothes. Hid myself saying I was too shy.
Hid my longing to be accepted and at the same time dreaded the idea of being rejected. I compared myself to the women in the magazines. I compared myself to my friends who were either thinner or prettier than me. There was not a boy on the horizon, but I do remember feeling not good enough.
Eve thought her disobedience was for the worthy cause of gaining wisdom.
Well, I relied on all the wrong sources to become wise. Jesus was in my life. I had accepted Him as my Savior. I believed His word to be true. But I also chose to believe the lies that were spoken to me. I acted upon those lies. I lied to myself about the consequences. What a mess!
Today Jesus is calling me to repent. To forsake my broken cisterns and to come back to Him, the spring of living water.
But the point of this post was to untangle my mess, and show younger women the path to avoid, if possible ,and to show that as single women they have to accept their position in life and how to prepare themselves to live faithfully as single women. Would it possible to list down all the lies I believed as a young girl?
Dear Single Girl,
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind.
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
From ,
The Married Single Woman
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