My Journey Through Trauma, CPTSD, and Faith

 

Seeing Clearly Again: My Journey Through Trauma, CPTSD, and Faith

            This time-lapse image was taken from a moving train in Switzerland. The first and last frames are completely different. Yet anyone watching would understand why. Time has passed. The train has moved. Change was inevitable.

            But what happens when the shifts in your inner world aren’t so easily explained? What if you begin to lose your sense of bearing because someone else keeps telling you what your reality should be?

            Trauma has a way of distorting time, memory, and self-perception. I live with complex PTSD and experience panic attacks. For years, I struggled to hold on to my own version of reality. My memories, gut instincts, and experiences were often dismissed or denied. Slowly, that constant invalidation began to wear me down. I found myself second-guessing everything. Had I imagined it all?

            When you look out the window of a train, you take in the view. Your mind’s eye captures it. Even if you don’t remember every detail, it leaves a mark. In the same way, even if I can’t recall every snapshot of my life clearly, it doesn’t mean those moments didn’t happen. My story is valid, even if it’s been blurred or buried.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

            This is not wishful thinking. It’s not denial. Faith, for me, has become the quiet courage to believe what God sees, even when I can’t. It’s the holy defiance to believe that beauty and purpose exist beyond the trauma, even if they’re still hidden from view.

So here is my prayer.

That I may live life with clarity.

That I may walk in discernment.

That I may carry the grace of Esther,

the loyalty of Ruth,

the wisdom of Abigail,

the favour of Leah,

and the election of Mary.

“Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38

            This blog is a space where I process trauma, untangle confusion, reclaim my voice, and hold fast to the truth that I will not drown, because Jesus is the solid ground beneath me.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12

            This fight has never been just emotional or psychological. It is spiritual. Deliverance is for the desperate.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

2 Timothy 1:7

Even here, even now, He sees. And I’m learning to see again too.