A call to grieve

Lamentations 3

This is what the Lord Almighty says: 

“Consider now! Call for the wailing women to come; send for the most skilful of them. Let them come quickly and wail over us till our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids.

 The sound of wailing is heard from Zion: ‘How ruined we are! How great is our shame! We must leave our land because our houses are in ruins.’ ”

Now, you women, hear the word of the Lord; open your ears to the words of his mouth. Teach your daughters how to wail; teach one another a lament.

Jeremiah 3

Happy Women's day! 

         March 8th 2024.I have been getting this message from a lot of women, and getting irritated ,I asked my friend what she had meant. And she sent me this link Women's Day.It is strange that I had never heard about such a thing. But March 8th already carried weight in my life, although for an entirely different reason. I remember how determined I was to finally do something about it. This time, I told myself, I wouldn’t stay silent.

And yet, once again, I backed down.

So what makes a woman like me continue living with the false hope that somehow, things will turn out okay in the end? While I didn’t find the courage to run away, I did find the courage not to stay silent.

And in its own way, that was a beginning.

The determination to take action

          So here I am, exactly a year later still trying to piece together my journey through the Red Sea. In November 2022, the Lord gave me a promise from Jeremiah 3:15:

"Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding."

        At the time, I had no friends. My own family chose to act as if nothing could be done to help me. I felt completely alone. But God is faithful. He brought people into my life. People after His own heart.

        To anyone out there who feels desperate and alone, let me tell you this. There are people who understand. People who care enough to stand with you. And most precious of all; they will believe you.

        That’s what I found. People who believed me. People who believed my story. Yes, there were sceptics. There were those who dismissed my pain, and others who judged me. But within the Christian community, I encountered something different. I met people willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus, often offering His presence in tangible, practical ways.

Over this past year, there have been many firsts.

I found the courage to return to my home country and meet with friends who had been supporting me virtually and prayerfully for years.

I learned not to give up on people just because they didn’t understand my story at first.

I discovered I could recognize pain on other women’s faces. I’m not yet bold enough to offer support in big ways, but I know from experience that the gentle clasp of a hand, the silent recognition of unshed tears are some of the invaluable small things that can be the beginning of healing. The beginning of being seen.

And today, I can say this with confidence, that my Lord has been faithful.

He has taught me, comforted me, and guided me through the collateral damage in my life and in my family. I’m still walking through the waters, But He is parting them, step by step.

Grieving 

        On this Women’s Day, I want to mark the lesson the Lord has been teaching me. To grieve. I still haven’t fully grasped the depth of that word and what it means for me, but I have received it. And I trust that He will continue to guide me through this part of my healing journey.

        One of the greatest tragedies of life is being denied the right to grieve. To process your own hurt, pain, or fear. Funerals provide space for people to mourn the loss of a loved one, and it’s scientifically proven that the grieving process is an essential part of healing. So, what if, to break free from my own "self-imposed imprisonment," I need to grieve? To wail, to mourn, to cry out to the Lord, and to first allow myself to feel the pain. To thaw from the numbness and then, in time, to let Him heal me?

Proverbs 18:14 says, “The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”

Psalm 34:18 offers comfort: “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 147:3 echoes this promise: “He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.”

Matthew 5:4 reminds us: “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

And in Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus calls us to rest: 

"Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Grieving is part of healing, and He promises to be with us every step of the way.

Looking back 

        So here is the plan. As the Lord leads me, I will receive the painful memories without fear or shame. I choose to ask the Lord to forgive me for my part in it, but I also choose to reject the false guilt and the shame that I once associated with it.

        I will qualify the damage, carefully tracing the consequences to understand how they have impacted me. Then, I will choose to forgive those who have hurt me, knowing that I owe no one an explanation for how long it takes me to heal from the wounds caused by betrayal. In some cases, I will seek the courage to reach out for help from counsellors. In others, I may need to confront ongoing patterns of sin in my life.

But what about forgiveness?

Forgiveness does not mean denying sin. 

Forgiveness does not mean denying the consequences of the sin. 

Forgiveness does not mean that I will be healed instantly. 

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the sin. 

Forgiveness does not mean that I should not seek to be healed.

Forgiveness does not mean that I have to prove to others that I am giving someone another chance. 

Forgiveness is not carrying the weight of others' judgment if I don’t immediately accept their regret.

Forgiveness only means that I am consciously and wholeheartedly choosing not to seek vengeance, wishing harm on anyone, or demanding compensation.

        Remembering the damages may be necessary to avoid being ensnared in a life that causes further harm. But remembering without the sting helps me remain aware of danger, allowing me to live with relative safety.

Repentance without change is false repentance.

As Paul says in Acts 26, “I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.”

Sometimes, I will need wisdom to take actions that protect myself. 

As Paul writes in 2 Timothy, “Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.”

        In this journey, I will trust the Lord to lead me with wisdom, compassion, and strength to navigate the path of forgiveness and healing.

A confirmation

      As I was going through my prayer diary, I came across a particular entry that brought back a time in my life with great clarity. A time when, even though I felt enveloped in His Presence, I was also engulfed by pain so unimaginable that I could hardly grasp its enormity.

This is what I had written:

“For many months, all I could do at times was cry. Cry until my heart, my eyes, my head felt completely drained. But even in that emptiness, there was comfort. When the grief finally began to lessen, guilt overtook me. Guilt for my unbelief.”

Then, the gentle voice of my Saviour whispered into my heart: “Take this cup away… not my will, but Yours be done.”

I went straight to my Bible and looked up the verse, and what I found shook me deeply. It was Matthew 26:36-46.

        Jesus knew the end of the story. Victory. Yet, there was still a moment when He felt overwhelmed with sorrow. Three times He had to go and pray. He longed for the faithful companionship of His friends, but they did not keep vigil with Him. He longed for the night to be over, but it seemed endless. Was it fear that He felt? No, it was grief. He understood what it meant to be sorrowful to the point of death.

Sorrow is not unbelief. It is the heart preparing itself to receive the comfort of the Saviour, especially when the circumstances are beyond what we can bear.

Sorrow is not unbelief. Grieving is not unforgiveness. 

Crying out to the Lord is not a lack of courage.

        My Lord did it. He grieved too. So, who is anyone else to judge me when I say that no one can deny me the permission to grieve?

        In the depth of sorrow, we are never alone. He has been there. And He will always meet us in our grief, to heal and comfort us in His perfect time.